I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
