So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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