D3 body, D1 cock
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
sarcasm needs its own font
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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