You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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