Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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