Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
