Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
