i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
