So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
