Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
how drunk are you?
Several
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
