thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I wish there were birth control emojis
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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