i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
