My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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