Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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