I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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