i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We don't watch enough power rangers
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
