The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
