i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You had me at "let me see your balls"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
