And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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