and i looked up. we had an audience...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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