I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Be still, my beating vagina.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
