You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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