There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
