I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
