My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
