I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He did a backflip because drugs
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