I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
