gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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