My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
