dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
