So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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