I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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