So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
