Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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