So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
