i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
