the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
