i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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