just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
