I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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