i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
