Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
