So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
