I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
