I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
