Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
