Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
