Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Randomize
