i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
