a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
